Friday, March 20, 2009
mulling things over
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Looking around, thinking, evaluating clutter, thinking, running around, and thinking. Among a few other things. I'm having lots of thoughts about what happens next. My job probably will end in about a year and a half...where do I go then? It's part and parcel for being a government contractor, and this is quite a bit of notice for the government, so it's not that I'm complaining. It's just...I'm finally getting settled into life here, and I'm not ready to leave.
I have it pretty good here. I have flexible hours, understanding bosses, family nearby, a great school, wonderful friends, an awesome house, a job I'm good at (usually) that (often) allows for thinking outside the box, decent pay, a short commute, full benefits, access to the water...I could go on and on. Yeah, I whinge about things from time to time, but that's just whingeing. It's what happens now and then.
For the most part I have a really good life here with my son.
I'm starting to get a bit strung-out over the job-ending thing, though. I'm feeling panicky about paying off debt and getting my daily expenses down. I'm getting antsy about getting rid of the clutter I don't want, need, or use. I feel an enormous need to pare down my and Kiddo's things to a much smaller, more manageable volume.
And I want to run away sometimes. But that's more from running around like a crazy person all day, every day, week after week.
I guess you could say I feel an unconscious need to lighten the load. Like I'm preparing for something. But I don't know what it is. I don't feel a need to get rid of my weaving loom, or my spinning wheels, but I feel like my yarn stash is too big, I have more books than I really want to keep, I have too many unnecessary dishes, clothes, and just...stuff. I removed an entire paper-box (like offices get reams in) of toiletries and products and stuff from the bathroom closet the other day...it felt good.
I crave simplicity.
And in the process of all this, I found I'm not so much into reading blogs anymore. There are three that I look at daily now, where before there were dozens. I keep thinking my life is too boring to blog, and find myself going yet another day without a post. I'm introverting (is that verb-able?) and withdrawing from a lot of the social things I was doing, while still maintaining and enjoying a few select social activities. I'm limiting my projects to far fewer UFOs than I've ever had at one time, yet still starting the ones I adore and ripping the ones that don't make me happy. (And of all weirdness EVER - I miss the NeverEnding Torso Sock?!?)
There's so much going on in my head...all the thinking and ideas and things I want to do. And I can't get to most of it. There's too much other stuff to do. I don't feel right giving it all to you guys. I don't even know all your names, yet I tell you so much! (I won't get into what it's like to have one comment per 100 blog hits on a regular basis...and not even know who most of the readers are.) I'm not thrilled that I can't email commenters back directly (Thank you, Blogger), and I don't always have a good way to answer in a post. Comments always seem to make me smile, though, because someone took a minute or two to type out a few words in return.
Maybe doing a bit of wool-dyeing this weekend, and making some lovely cheerful colors will improve my disposition.
at 12:01 PM